Animals

My selfish reason for wanting to change punitive culture to supportive culture: so I personally stop being polluted by the former.

Every time I fall for what people say is “the right thing to do” eg: cutting contact because someone didn't “act right;” it takes a whole phase of feeling miserable before I snap out of it; before I realize that I've been punishing myself first and foremost.

Life is not worth it with my heart in a cage.

While it does make sense to withdraw from a dynamic when you're hurting and the person who triggered the pain is not in a state where they can tend to reparation, especially (and non-negotiably so) if safety is a concern; that doesn't mean you're banned from ever engaging with them again.

It's too soon to know.

Two wounded animals rarely have healing reflexes, so yes, running right back when neither are ready may not work out great. However: there's never just two people in a relationship.

Look around.

When wounded, and once you've reached safety, rather than asking whether to cut ties permanently, you can ask: what do I need right now? Is it rest, distance, support, all of the above? If I need support: what kind, and where can I find it?

Deciding whether to re-engage with the other wounded animal is something you can do after you've taken that breather, gotten that support, or that new perspective that was only possible from a distance. It can take a long time. Maybe a very, very long time.

And sometimes we find it is not necessary to re-engage: sometimes, separate ways is really the best for all.

At other times, reconnecting carefully, making the effort and taking the time to express what your heart went through from a place of clarity, can yield beautiful results.

The birth of a new dynamic.

The person may not hold the same position in your social ecosystem as they did before, and vice versa; but that new place may be the one from which you enrich each other the most.